Last night i was discussing with my brother about moving down to Shippensburg. It became apparent in the conversation that if i were to go, i would be going alone. The next thing i know is that he is screaming the word divorce at me and hung up. Well then he called Joe, said something to him and thus Joe was pissy all night. I donapos;t know exactly what was said, i didnapos;t care enough to ask. During my conversation with my brother, he brought up mom. I believe the exact quote was "I donapos;t want her moving down here". That is all fine and good but the problem i have lies in the fact that because i made a decision trying to be nice, i am damned until i die, or she dies, whichever comes first. I have supported her, gave her money and a place to live. I want out. I am done. No one else in my family would help me out, including my brother. I canapos;t grow as a person if i feel trapped all of the time. I am done with Edinboro, I am done with this living situation, I am done with almost everything my life is currently. I want to be happy again. I donapos;t want my smiles to feel forced anymore. I canapos;t tell you the number of times i have thought about just packing some shit it my car and taking off. Everywhere i turn, there are responsibilities to people i no longer feel i owe. I tried to explain to joe that i canapos;t live this life anymore. He didnapos;t get it. Nothing changes. Nothing ever changes. I want to be able to do things without feeling tied down. I donapos;t want a cross to bear.
I need out, I need strength for things i must face in order to get out.
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